A Conversation With My Belly, Postpartum

9 mos. pregnant with Guijo. 2011

While executing a back bend during yoga class, I felt my shirt slide to expose a part of my belly. My first instinct was to try to pull my shirt up to hide my grotesque flesh, but my hands were pressed to the mat, carrying the weight  of my body. I felt trapped and in a slight state of panic. Then the instructor said, "Let go", "Open your mind and body", "Ease into the pose"... and I dutifully listened. "Stay there for five full breaths", she said. And I complied. And in those five breaths, I found myself thinking beautiful thoughts of gratitude directed at my body. I gave my belly a silent thank you speech. 

Thank you dear belly, for housing my most precious offspring -  my daughter Narra first, then my son, Guijo. Thank you for cushioning them with your protective layers of womb, and fluid, and fat. Thank you for adjusting your skin perfectly in tune with their needs: stretching just enough to give them room; but remaining tight enough to give them support.  Thank you for your contractions which delivered my children into the light. You generously expanded yourself to your very limits so that I may fulfill my destiny and become mother.  You quietly, gently retracted back to normal when the task was done, so I may lay my babies on your soft surface as I nourish them with my milk. 

4 mos. pregnant with Narra. Punta De Lima, Laguna. 2009.

I used to view your stretch marks as battle scars - but what an awful, violent metaphor this is! Giving birth is not a story of war. Rather, it is  a tale of cooperation, when everyone unites to protect the most glorious gift of life.  Your stretch marks dear belly, are my historic markers of peace - celebrating my milestones, of those moments when I accepted my vocation to nurture the lives entrusted to me.  

And how kindly I was treated by the world when you were fully on display as a womb with child. Strangers felt welcome to strike a conversation, and we received an abundance of pleasantries - in word and deed. Doors were held open, seats were given up, everyone rushed to carry our bags or push our carts - it is as though the world conspired to help us carry the weight of propagating humankind.  When you were in full bloom, you had the power to disarm even the most disenchanted folk. I've seen stern faces turn soft in your presence, I remember a surly security guard doing a routine airport check transform from strict-and-brisk to kind-and-gentle in a heartbeat! 

7 mos. pregnant. Pearl Farm, Davao. 2011.

I thank you for letting me experience the world in a whole new way. Like when we went swimming in the sea and I had to discover a new sense of balance - it was like being introduced to buoyancy for the first time. In fact, you pushed me to re-learn everything - from the most basic things: to breathe, to eat, to sleep, to walk, to sit. You forced me to be humble, to listen to my body and to follow its dictates. I was kindest to my body in your presence. I ate well, and stayed away from smoke and dirt; and other poisonous elements (like anger and regret). 

Pregnant, I felt connected to Mother Earth as I never have before. I could feel the pulse of Pacha Mama resonating in my body, through you, my awakened belly. You were like a portal to other worlds.  I saw the world creating the world - chains of life-giving power: the earth bearing trees; the trees bearing fruit; fruit bearing seeds; seeds falling to earth; so the earth can bear trees... and on and on, I saw it all, how pregnant the world is, constantly. Is it just me, or do pregnant women really enjoy a heightened awareness, when all our senses open to the world more than ever before?

So I say to my belly: after all these gifts you've given me, what right have I to be ashamed of you? How could my first instinct be to hide you now? And think of you as grotesque? In my vanity, you have been transmogrified from "bearer-of-life" to "bringer-of-shame".  I am sorry, my belly. My mind has bad habits I've yet to break.  I was conditioned to think of beauty in terms of flat bellies covered by flawless skin, so much so that I felt compelled to hide you with my hands, even at the risk of me collapsing to the floor. My apologies. You are part of what I am now, for I wouldn't be a mother had you not been stretched to house my children.  I accept you for the mother's belly that you are. And I will take care of you, and nurture you gently back to the best shape you could possibly be in, by strengthening your muscles; and slathering soothing balms on your stressed surface; and getting you nourished with good stuff from within. And next time you peek through my clothes at yoga class, I won't lose composure in embarrassed panic! For we are a work in progress, you and I, companions on the road to recovery,  and that's a good, good thing. 

                           

Enjoyable Delivery at Makati Medical Center

August 19, 2011. Dra. Henson helps me deliver Guijo!

I gave birth to both my babies Narra (born May 7 2009) and Guijo (born August 19 2011) at Makati Medical Center, and I enjoyed the birthing process immensely, both times! The words "labor" and "enjoy" don't usually come together, but I seem to be a lucky person, so birthing came easy for me (and I have the photos to prove it!). For both of my deliveries, I was smiling from start to finish. But before you think I was born with superwoman birthing powers, I'd have to give credit where it is due: to an excellent team of medical professionals at Makati Med!

May 7, 2009. In labor with Narra.  With Dra. Henson and
Dr. De Jesus behind her. 

It starts with my OB-Gyne Dr. Maria Theresa Henson. She was very highly recommended to me by my friends RJ and Vanessa Ledesma when they were also infanticipating a couple of years ago. I've already met with several Obstetricians and I was searching for "the one" and when I met Dra. Henson, I immediately became a fan. She has this assertive personality that I found very reassuring - she was so confident and eloquent, thorough in her methods, and comprehensive while concise in giving me answers to my questions during consultations. And when it was "showtime" in the delivery room, she had such authoritative command, she had her no-nonsense game face on - and I just knew I was in very good hands.

Dra. Henson seemed particular about who she wants to work with, most especially when it comes to the anesthesiologist. My husband preferred St. Luke's newer facilities and excellent location and was hoping Dra. Henson would agree to have us deliver there instead of Makati Med, but she was firm in stating her preference to work with her "home" team, and with her most trusted anesthesiologist. For both my children, I was in the capable hands of Dr. Gerard De Jesus who had such a steady hand in administering the epidural that all my fears of possible risks and complications were put to rest. Like Dra. Henson, Dr. De Jesus exuded a very authoritative presence. I've heard of horror stories from other women about how their epidurals didn't work out perfectly, and I just thanked my lucky stars mine did. It seems to me that administering anesthesia is not just a science, but also an art, and when done well, it leads to a marvelous birthing experience.

There's a nice sofa and tv inside the room, for companions.

Back in 2009, I gave birth in the old delivery floor where I was first put up in a birthing room then transfered to an OR, then wheeled back to the birthing room for recovery. Now in 2011, we used the newly constructed birthing suites located in another wing of the hospital. I had Birthing Room No. 3, which was spacious, well-appointed, sparkling clean, and comfortable. Preparation, actual delivery, and recovery all took place in the birthing room, and my husband Oliver (and anyone else I would have wanted around) could accompany me through the entire process in comfort. There was a comfy sofa and t.v. on one side of the room where companions could station themselves. The bathroom was also huge, a big plus when you're hooked to an IV drip and have to roll the cumbersome stand along with you when you need to do your business.

A lot of space, and a big bathroom on one end of the room.

When it was time to give birth, I was amazed at how the room transformed in an instant to an OR as equipment were rolled in. The spacious room accommodated teams of doctors and nurses: my OB and her team; the anesthesiologist and his team; the pediatrician and her team, and the equipment they needed to do their job. It was like watching a champion basketball team executing a winning play - everyone's in position - doing their part expertly - with no fumbling about. They kept their composure, and with effortless elegance, I saw myself and my baby being handled with what seemed to me like the best possible medical care available in the world. With every gesture, the entire medical staff, from the doctors down to the nursing aides reeked of experience.

Accommodating nurses at the nursery: they even turned Guijo's head
to face our cameras when my family requested to view him. I heard in
some hospitals, they don't even allow photos (like in Medical City).

And most importantly, the proceedings did not feel cold and clinical. On the contrary, there was a distinct Filipino touch to all of it, a warm and caring approach that makes me proud to be Pinoy! People to took time to chat with me, to smile at me, or touch me in a reassuring and comforting way, and when the awaited moment of actual delivery of the baby happened - my precious child was first presented to me, shown to me, and delivered to my arms, before all other medical protocols were started. I did not feel like some passive patient who was alienated from the entire experience. I felt like a central player in the game, a part of their team. I felt numb from the epidural, but I was coached to push like my life depended on it, and push I did, till my eyeballs felt like they would be squeezed into my skull. And when our bundle of joy arrived, there was a triumphant feeling! The epidural only numbs parts of my body, but the rest of me, especially the "inner mother" planted deep in my being, oh - that part felt all the joy!!! There were smiles all around and people were congratulating me for doing a good job (ok everyone was wearing masks, but their eyes and voices suggested they were smiling under their masks).

The pediatric team working on Guijo. I was amazed at how quickly the
birthing room transformed into an OR as equipment were wheeled in.

As Dra. Henson continued to work on completing my delivery, the pediatric team were working on our baby, and I could hear him crying vigorously (such a wonderful, welcome noise - it was music to my ears!). My husband Oliver was recording everything, and that's another plus - the policy that allows for a birthing companion to be there and to take photos! - that to me, should be standard policy everywhere else! My husband, and his act of recording the event were important sources of comfort for me :-) But alas, some hospitals don't allow it.

Even after delivery, the quality of care continued to impress me. The nursing aides who helped me go to the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning, oh what capable angels they were! Knowledgeable and compassionate, they assisted me in a manner that allowed me to retain my dignity even in the most compromising of situations. I am amazed at the delicate mix of personal touch and professional distance they showed.

The doctors, nurses, and lactation consultants at the nursery and breast feeding room are also deserving of praise. They move briskly to get a lot of things done, but tenderly since they are handling babies, I could spend all day just watching them swaddle babies expertly. And they treat the sleep-deprived mothers with respect, patiently giving detailed answers to questions they must have heard thousands of times. They give their answers matter-of-factly, without a hint of condescension, and they make you feel comfortable enough to forget how disheveled you must look already.

Makati Medical Center is not perfect, there are some things one can complain about... but I am a fan. I have good reason to be. I had two immensely enjoyable birthing experiences there because of the amazing team of medical professionals I had the good fortune to work with. I felt very secure to be in such capable hands. Beyond the medical aspects (which I had no complaints about), I was quite impressed with the way I was treated, with genuine concern and kindness. This combination of medical and inter-personal-relationship skills, makes Makati Medical Center a winner in my book, and I give them credit for my awesome birth stories.

Related Posts:
How Much It Cost To Give Birth: The Anatomy of Our Hospital Bill
http://nikki-mama.blogspot.com/2011/10/how-much-it-cost-to-give-birth-anatomy.html

On Our Baby's Circumcision: A Mother's Point of View
http://nikki-mama.blogspot.com/2011/09/on-our-babys-circumcision-mothers-point.html