1 Year of Blogging and The Rewards of Writing

Narra, excited to receive Wanlu's DVD.

It's September 16.  This time last year, I started this mom-blog.  I had just given birth to Guijo and there was a dark cloud hanging over our household: there was death in the family, I was out of a job, Guijo was confined at the hospital, and all those things combined wreaked havoc on our psyche and our pockets.  And I felt guilty that I was on the verge of despair.  The adrenaline from childbirth had worn off, and my supply of happy hormones was depleted.  I couldn't talk to Oliver who was in grief and withdrawn; Narra was in her terrible twos, and Guijo was in his "feed-me-every-two-hours-round-the-clock" phase. The sleepless nights needed to be about something else besides fending off despair as it threatened to engulf me! So I started to write. So I could nurture a positive spirit. And how many people came to my rescue - from far away and from long ago, friends and family began to weave a web of support written in encouraging phrases left on my blog, on facebook, by email or by text.  And all those relationships left un-nurtured through years of neglect, started to come back to life.   Yes, a blog does seem like a monologue. But for me, it has served as an invitation, an opening for dialogue - a means to cultivate conversations.  

With my Uncle (Pa Toots) and Narra, enjoying Swensen's Ice Cream Treat.

I've had all sorts of reactions to my blog, really. Most friends tell me "ang haba mo naman mag sulat!" (what you write is too long)... in my defense, the last thing I wrote was a dissertation which took years to finish, so from my end, my blog entries are super short and quick (length is relative!), what can I say, words just flow.  The worst reaction I got was from an anonymous reader who left a 2-word comment that simply said "Shut up"- I deleted that remark for lack of constructive substance.  But other than that one comment, it's been a year of rewarding responses.  For instance, I have to thank Swensen's Ice Cream for giving us gift vouchers for Christmas!  That was a pleasant surprise!  I blogged about Swensen's when they opened, and I was thrilled to receive a message from them months later, expressing their thanks with a gift of free ice cream.   Right around the same time, I also received a message from Museo Pambata, saying they were touched with my blog posts and had a gift for Narra.  Just last week, a guy from LBC was at our door, and voila! There was a new DVD from Wanlu the Ventriloquist!  He read my blog post about him, and he asked for my mailing address so he can send a gift for Narra.  My daughter was excited to receive a package from the postman! And she's been watching Wanlu's DVD daily since. Now all these gestures, from strangers, are quite encouraging and heartwarming indeed.  I feel all the good vibes I send out, coming back to me in return. 

With Museo Pambata's Chie-Sales Roman, and my good friend visiting
from KL, Rowena Sy, and our kids.

The post that received the most response from strangers is my detailed account on the cost of giving birth.  Entitled "The Anatomy of My Hospital Bill", this post was difficult to write because I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about money.   My mother has done her best to try to turn me into a lady of good breeding, and she emphasized the need to be discreet. I hear her voice ringing in my head, and I had to fight it down with every sentence I wrote, and every figure and cost I disclosed. In my mother's book of proper etiquette, money is never to be discussed in public.  But I had to follow my gut, and listen to my conscience. I felt I could be of help to countless other mothers-to-be out there who were desperate for information.  I remember being pregnant, and awake until the wee hours, scouring the net for info. The question "how much will I spend?" rarely gets answered, and here I was, with an answer!!  So I am happy whenever I receive comments from other mothers. It validates my decision and silences my doubts.

Narra, receiving a bag of books and educational items from Museo Pambata.

But the most rewarding responses, I must say, are from close family and friends, from near and far,  past and present.  Even family I get to see regularly.  It is ironic how we can see people a lot without really getting down to the business of exchanging life stories.  At family parties, rarely do we get to pour out our thoughts, or get to share our joys, and hopes, and fears.  But now, with my blog, I find myself with more conversations, with my aunts and uncles. Also quite rewarding are words from far away, from childhood friends, old classmates from high school, former neighbors who've migrated abroad - all these loved ones so very sorely missed - when they write comments, it brings me profound joy.  I value the gift of being in touch, of remaining friends despite the time and distance apart.  

I have shed tears in the process of writing this blog. And I know that how I felt was conveyed through my words.  I have been told by family and friends that some of my posts made them cry.  I've written about death and loss a lot, and also love. And these kinds of piercing topics strike that part of us that feels the most pain - and joy.  And family, friends, and strangers alike - who read my blog - have made a difficult year more bearable, by simply accompanying me on this rough leg of my life's journey.  So here's to another year for this mother's blog, may my entries cultivate more conversations, and nurture relationships, old and new.  Thank you for reading!!!