5 Days of Contemplation at the Cenacle Retreat House

Entrance gate to the Cenacle Retreat House in Varsity Hills, Loyola Heights.

Tomorrow, I end my 5-day retreat and leave the restful sanctuary of the Cenacle retreat house.  It was my first time to try a directed silent retreat and I didn't know what to expect at first. Now, as I leave, I can only count my blessings. Working with my spiritual director Sr. Cecille, was a joy! And being alone with my thoughts, to contemplate on my faith for days, was profoundly satisfying. 

Why have I waited this long to go on silent retreat? All my retreats prior to this have involved being with other people: with my classmates in high school and college; with my family for Holy Week; with my husband in preparation for marriage - but never alone, never in silent contemplation. Until now. And I am overcome with awe and gratitude at how rewarding the last five days of solitude has been. I am in love. With God. With my husband and children. With my work. With all of God's creation. I am just overflowing with energy that springs from within. I am rearing to go! Woohoo! I am an extrovert by nature and a big, healthy dose of introspection makes me feel like a bow, or slingshot, or spring being pulled back, waiting to be released. 

                          

The Cenacle retreat house was structured perfectly to lead me to prayer. The labyrinth, for instance, was a favorite of mine. I'd put one foot in front of the other as I contemplated on an assigned bible reading, or prayed the rosary - with my breath, movement, and words flowing in unison.  Round and round I went, countless times, always moving, while staying in place. What meaningful thoughts came to me while in that labrynth. I cried and smiled, pondered and wondered. Reminisced and hoped. Back and forth I went, in and out of gratitude and grief. I brought with me all I loved, and all I lost - I relived so many journeys - ancient and recent.  Time collapsed, worlds overlapped, I was a child one minute - and with my children, the next. The man walking beside me was God, Jesus, dad, husband, son, friend, mentor, ancestor - taking turns in holding my hand. I turned to Mary, and her face became my mother's, sister's, grandma's, daughter's, friends'. I was crossing the desert, and walking on water, taking the train in Singapore, rollerblading by the beach in Spain, biking in Pasay, walking the dogs in Lipa under the starry sky, husband by my side, with our child in my womb. I was myself, in various stages of my life. I was Jesus performing miracles. I was the adulteress he saved from being stoned; the Pharisee he rebuked; Peter sinking in water. In contemplation I was given license to relish the grace of limitless perspective. Mine. His. Past. Present. Imagined. Lived. 

                                        

I sensed everything. I could feel the birds, and smell the trees, and hear the fruit falling to the ground. I could read the sky and taste the wind and tell exactly when it would pour. I walked barefoot on stones and grass, and read about Jesus' feet being washed with a sinner's tears and wiped with her hair.  I cried on my feet and felt comfort from the earth, in dirt and dust. I picked fallen mangoes from the giving tree that wouldn't stop its prolific display of fertility all day and night. Bang!  Bang! Falling mangoes landing spectacularly on steel roofs kept stirring me from meditation and sleep. As if God wouldn't let me forget his message of abundance.  

                                  

Everywhere I looked, I saw God in all things. In what was in front of me, big and small, in details I saw with my eyes - in thought fragments that crossed my mind's eye. I saw God in all the pain I've endured and all the triumphs I enjoyed. Things fell into place. Everything made sense. Out of the tumult came the calm. I de-cluttered my heart of garbage and ordered my emotions. I put everything I felt, good and bad, in their correct place where they could be in balance: I put my pain in the chamber of healing; my anger in the chamber of forgiveness; my disappointment in the chamber of hope; my doubt in the chamber of faith; my past in the chamber of wisdom; my future in the chamber of peace; my present in the chamber of love.  I expelled envy, vanity, greed, and regret - I just didn't want them in my heart anymore. Having freed up so much space, my heart was open to new possibilities. 

                                 

I am ready to seize each day and face my responsibilities wholeheartedly, indefatigably! This retreat has given me a most precious gift: "Bukal sa loob" (a spring of life-giving water will gush forth from within) promised by Jesus to the Samaritan woman at the well.  In my contemplation, I was that Samaritan woman, shamed and sinful - but saved by my encounter with Jesus! He had opened a spring within my heart and I am overflowing with love - with love He gives me - and with love I am eager to give. 

I went on silent retreat for 5 grace-filled days at the Cenacle retreat house and I leave nourished - mind, body, and soul.  I had my first taste of Ignatian spiritual exercises and I am in awe at how much closer I feel to Jesus. Never before have I felt this deep a connection to Him, never before have I immersed myself in such contemplation. 

In silence, how eloquently my heart sings! 

For 5 days I did not see my children in the flesh. But how much clearer I see now, their process of becoming who they are. I am fully aware what a great privilege it is to be their mother. And as for my husband - being away from him allowed me to grasp with gratitude the daily truth I take for granted: that he is my rock, my foundation and strength; he's always got my back, steadies me when I falter, and leads me when I get lost so that I could find my way.  And I love him more and more.

So energizing, so motivating, so inspiring and empowering is this retreat that I can't wait to get home to live and to love more now, more than ever before :-) 

Those interested in the Cenacle Retreat House may see their schedule here:

http://www.cenaclephilsing.org/welcome-to-the-cenacle/

Cakes for My Daughter's Winx Party: Red Ribbon and Iko's Compared

Left: Doll cake with wings from Iko's; Right: Spring Flowers Cake from Red Ribbon 

                  

For my daughter's 5th birthday, I got her involved in deciding on her party cake. For weeks we'd look at pictures of Winx cake ideas online. I originally wanted a single-layer fondant cake with edible toppers, but little Narra had other ideas: she wanted non-edible toppers she could keep as toys after the party; she wanted the kind of icing she could swipe off the cake with her finger; she wanted edible sugar flowers that can be plucked from the cake; she wanted it taller than a single-layer cake - she surely knew what she wanted! I had only one condition: It had to be within my budget of 2,000 pesos.  We ended up with 2 cakes that easily met all our criteria! We got one cake from Red Ribbon  (1400php) and another from Iko's (499php) and I just have to compare the two! 

Narra's first cake was chosen from Red Ribbon Bakeshop's online cake catalogue. She already had tiny Winx-themed figures at home and she asked me if she could decorate her cake by herself (and by that she means that deciding where to position the dolls on the cake will be entirely up to her).  So I had to look for the type of cake that can accommodate her toys as toppers. I was worried they wouldn't stand upright on their own when planted on boiled icing, so I looked for designs with 2-3 layers so we could lean the toys on the sides of the cake (and a tall cake was one of Narra's requests).

3-layer "Spring Flower" cake from Red Ribbon's "Debut" collection
(doll toppers are from Narra's own collection)

                                

I didn't find the cake in the usual "Female Birthday Cakes" section. I looked for options in the "Wedding/Debut" section because only cakes in that category can have customizable colors to suit party themes. We picked the design called "Spring Flowers", Narra asked for a pink and purple cake with green border icing (the border in the catalogue was white originally). The flowers are edible gum paste flowers with customizable colors too. The number on top is made of sugar (and can be delicate - ours broke when we removed the cake from the box, and we resorted to scotch tape for an emergency fix - it held up til the end of the party). The total height of the cake with accessories is around 18 inches. We cut the cake in take-home portions and sent them off as souvenirs - and the recipients were reportedly quite happy. At 1,400 pesos I found this cake reasonably priced for the quantity of cake and quality  of execution. I also love how Red Ribbon staff were so accommodating with requests - they even allowed me to pick up the cake late at night, past closing hours! So I wouldn't have to swing by in the morning. :-)   

With the remaining cake funds available, I was able to buy another cake for Narra - a doll cake from Iko's! Months ago, when we visited their shop in Pasig, Narra saw their doll cakes and asked me if she could have one for her birthday. I found the cake appropriate only for an intimate party because of the modest quantity of the cake. In terms of height, it stands tall at a little over a foot, and offers a visual impact statement (kids and adults alike gave positive feedback). It's nice to look at and captures the imagination of children of all ages. At 499 pesos, it's quite a steal!

The edible layer between foil on top and styrofoam at the bottom.

                               

It's not the kind of cake you should serve to guests though, don't get me wrong, it is delicious! But gaining access to the edible parts is challenging and cumbersome - and should best be done in private. The top layer from the doll's waist down to its knees is covered in icing-concealed foil! The bottom layer (from the doll's ankle downwards) is made of styrofoam. The only edible parts are from the doll's knees down to it's calves - so there isn't much - it's just enough for a small group of people - but it's yummy! The chocolate cake itself is denser than Red Ribbon's, and the icing too - is much more "swipe worthy" than Red Ribbon's too sticky boiled icing. When we took of the wings and washed off the icing, we were left with a forlorn naked doll - the party was truly over. As the saying goes: you can't have your cake and eat it too.  Thank goodness for photos!

Narra's candle-blowing (after we replaced her number topper with a candle)

For the candle-blowing moment at Narra's party, we had a few issues.  The doll-cake did not have any suitable space for a candle, and the placement of the candle on the 3-layer Spring Flower cake was at the front, which meant we'd have difficulty taking a good photo of her.  Our solution? We removed the "Number 5" at the top of her cake, stuck a candle right on top, and got Narra to stand on a stool so she could reach her candle and blow it out while facing her guests. I realize that Iko's offers the option of creating a faux mini-cake which can be "carried" by the doll on her arms, and a candle can be positioned on it.  The Red Ribbon "Spring Flowers" design has a huge flower with leaves positioned on top, I suggest - for other moms who plan on getting this cake for their kids - to forego the leaves, and request instead, that a candle be inserted next to the top flower.  Lesson learned: I need to be more prepared next time - I should anticipate all requirements for the candle-blowing moment and figure out a child-friendly and photo-friendly placement for the candle! 

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In the end I'm happy we had both cakes.  Dealing with both suppliers was straightforward and fuss-free, and both bakeshops were comfortingly accommodating and professional.  McDonald's SM Aura does not allow cake to be served within their premises so the cakes were only for display and photo-op purposes, but we were happy to have a cake to partition off as take away for guests (the Red Ribbon cake) and another cake to bring home to enjoy (our Iko's doll cake). 

The cakes really weren't just for Narra. They were really also for my own mother - who belonged to a brood of 12 children! - she didn't have fancy birthday cakes growing up - that's just the way it was in the 1950's - for the post-war generation - theirs was an age of frugality and resource-stretching home economics.  My mother always has a wistful look on her face, a sense of nostalgia (for something she's always wanted but didn't get).  She made sure that growing up, I would always get cakes for my birthdays :-D  I have fond memories of icing and sugar flowers, and blowing out candles - and on my 18th birthday she ordered a towering cake, 5 feet tall, with lights and fountains - all the bells and whistles! - we had cake for days... I want to laugh and cry at the same time, just thinking about what getting that cake for me truly meant for my mother.   It's my turn now, to pass on to my daughter, what my mother provided me: love, joy, child-like wonder, and a lifetime's worth of memories that comes with birthday cakes.

Related Post:

Celebrating Narra's 5th Birthday: Winx Party at McDonald's SM Aura
http://nikki-mama.blogspot.com/2014/05/winx-birthday-party-at-mcdonald-sm-aura.html

Celebrating Narra's 5th Birthday: Winx Party at McDonald's SM Aura

From top left: Winx party banner; Me and Narra; Family pic with mascots.

                         

Sometime in the mid-80s I had my own McDonald's birthday party. I remember being so excited!  Watching my own daughter's excitement felt like traveling back in time.  It seemed as big a deal to her today as it was to me back then. Sure, McDonald's represents accessible everyday fare these days, with their convenient locations and affordable food, it's hardly "special" anymore - but on the day of her birthday party, McDonald's wasn't just the common fast food she visits normally, it was HER party place - infused with the magical energy of HER party time!  

Prim and proper Narra while everyone stood and sang "Happy Birthday"

                         

Narra sat on her pink stool, hands on her lap, feet crossed, eyes scanning the crowd as everyone clapped and sang "Happy Birthday to you!" - she swayed gently from side to side - she was neither shy nor self-absorbed, just simply immersed in the moment. And when the song was done, she had this super sweet smile.  It's the first time her two worlds came together: school and family lives combining in celebration. She had just completed her first year of schooling, so having classmates at her party  is a whole new experience for her.  We knew she'd need enough time to play with her friends and cousins so we decided to book 2 time slots so we won't be rushed.

The Party Program.

                  

We booked our venue from 11 am to 3 pm. We chose the earliest time slot because parking at SM Aura could get full easily on weekends. We decided to serve food twice. For round one: We served spaghetti, chicken and rice, cheeseburger, drink and apple pie for adults and kids alike. Then, when everyone was full, we started with the program and games. This was followed by the second round of food service: piping hot French fries, ice cream sundae, and drink. As the food was served we were distributing loot bags and giveaways and doggie bags - everyone had food to take home!  

Art activities for the early birds.

                            

We also prepared a simple (and very well received) art station for the kids. I took pages from a nice coloring book and provided crayons, blendy pens, and colored markers.  We also had a "nail art" station courtesy of my mom. She owns a beauty salon and she brought one of her staff to do kiddie manicures. They brought cute nail stickers which was such a hit with the young ladies!

Nail art corner.

                                        

The program consisted of the usual party classics: "bring me" and who can sustain the last syllable of the phrase "happy birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" the longest (the winner clocked in 12 seconds).  One game that was new to me was the "cup tower" game. Mothers and daughters teamed up to create towers out of flimsy plastic cups. All of Narra's classmates and their mothers joined the game. I felt the pressure because Narra really wanted us to win. We assembled a really high tower, but alas!, the ceiling-type split aircon was producing a blast of cold air that made our tower shake, and fall :-(  it was intense! Haha. I felt like a kid holding my breath, full of hope that we just might win! I had fun even if we didn't emerge victorious. 

"Cup Tower" game. I felt pressured with my kids watching in earnest.

                         

A high point of the program happened quite by accident. The mascots Birdie and Hamburglar were supposed to make their entrance, but were taking too long to arrive so the host played some upbeat music and the kids started to dance! It was so much fun to watch :-)  then, I requested the party host to play "Let It Go" from Frozen, and the little girls sang forcefully in unison, complete with synchronized action. Many of us watching from the sidelines were touched by the pure emotion, full commitment, and unrestrained quality of the impromptu group performance - one guest even asked if they rehearsed this or were taught the song and choreography in school.  

Narra and her classmates singing "Let It Go" from Frozen.

                        

It felt like a "Greatest Love of All" moment from the 1980s. I do believe "Let It Go" has reached the status of  "anthem" for Narra's generation.  Even if the song wasn't particular upbeat, it brought a different kind of energy to the party - the kind that makes adults thankful they attended a children's party. It was a moment of pure joy, uplifting innocence, camaraderie and harmony. That moment made me miss so many people, friends from long ago with whom I shared a special bond: choir mates in church; friends in high school; team mates, skate mates - anyone I performed with (formally or spontaneously).  I just knew my daughter was getting the full range of emotional benefits a birthday party offers.  

The only thing I had to prepare: Cakes, Loot Bags, some Game Prizes, Giveaways.

               

I booked McDonald's because I was busy working full-time this summer and needed the stress-free convenience of a fast-food party. I ended up enjoying the experience much more than I expected. And my daughter - my lovely, lovable daughter - she acted in ways that made me want to repeat the whole experience all over again :-)  When asked by the party host for a closing message, for what she wished for her birthday, she said: "I wish everyone would be happy".  Well said, Narra. You made me happy by letting me see how much fun you had :-D

Narra blowing her candle after making a wish for everyone's happiness!

Related Post:

Cakes For My Daughter's Winx Party: Red Ribbon and Iko's Compared

http://nikki-mama.blogspot.com/2014/05/cakes-for-my-daughter-winx-party-red.html