Brave Narra at the Dentist: On Baby Tooth Extraction and Why My Daughter Makes Me Proud

Narra, behaved and excited, with her best friend Mickey.

One of the most important things in life I'd need to warn my children about is this painful but necessary lesson: that we won't always get what want - sometimes, we have to get what we NEED, even if it is the exact opposite of what we want.   That is exactly what happened when we went to the dentist last week.   Narra was excited to go there. She wanted to get her two front teeth cleaned, and fixed, because it got chipped a couple of weeks ago.  She came up to me, with a tiny piece of her front tooth in her hand and said: "mama, paayos natin ngipin ko sa dentist" (mama, let's get my teeth fixed by the dentist). She wanted a repair so she can have a better smile.  That's what we wanted. But the dentist had crushing news. Narra needed something else, not cleaning, not repair.  She needed to curb an infection that may likely worsen if left unchecked. She needed to come back to "Bites and Smiles" Dental Clinic again the following week, to be handled by their pediatric specialist, Doc Sandy. I was warned in advance: she may need an extraction.  I had to prepare my daughter for the opposite of what she wanted - she was not going to get the better smile she hoped for - not for the next couple of years - until her permanent teeth finally erupt.   

Narra and Guijo, excited to go to "Bites & Smiles".

The blame game started the minute I heard the word "extraction".  First, I blamed my genes (surely, Narra got weak milk teeth from me), then I blamed my decisions. Why, oh why, did I breast-feed her on demand through the night? Narra cried a lot in her first year, and I breast-fed her exclusively. I feared she wasn't getting enough milk! So every time she cried, I fed her. A friend told me to let her cry on at night, so she will learn to soothe herself. Another friend told me to rinse her mouth with water, or wipe her teeth down after every feed to prevent "milk rot".  But I could do neither.  I couldn't bear to let her cry through the night; and couldn't bear to wake her to clean her teeth after I worked so hard to get her to sleep.  When later, I saw signs of tooth decay, I ran to the dentist (Narra was only 1 year old then), and did whatever options were available: application of fluoride film on the teeth; and nightly application of a calcium tooth mousse after brushing.  Despite my best efforts at catch-up care in the last 2 years,  the painful truth remained: an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.  

Guijo, waiting for his turn, while on the Li'l Tikes seesaw.

Truly, parenthood is not a walk in the park. It is an unending series of everyday decisions with lasting consequences.  It is also a continuous learning process. And Narra paid the price of my tuition in the school of motherhood.  Her first-born's curse, is her younger brother's blessing.  All the mistakes made in Narra's time, get acknowledged and addressed by the time Guijo gets his turn.  So Guijo has perfect teeth.  He gets the best of both: the benefits of breast-feeding, coupled with preventive dental care.  (And getting his father's genes may have helped  too).  I wish life was fair, and parents can give the same quality of protection and care for their kids, in equal measure.  But the truth is, our circumstances change, and subsequently, our parenting capabilities too.  The woman I was as mother to 1-year old Narra then, is not the same woman I am now, as mother to 1-year old Guijo.  When Narra was 1 yr. old, I was working full-time, and was away for the whole day, and breast-feeding her through the night assuaged my guilt for not being around - it made me feel closer to her - but I wasn't superwoman, I came home dead tired, and I was sleep-feeding and unable to rinse her teeth, hence, the milk rot.  Now that Guijo is 1 yr. old, I am working part-time, and I spend most of the daytime with him, so I don't feel compelled to feed him through the night.  

On the day of our visit to the dentist, I had to make the dreaded phone call to my husband. I started the conversation by reporting the good news (Guijo's teeth are perfect); then I gave the bad news (Narra's extraction).  We discussed our options.  Our yayas at home instructed us on the typical Pinoy family's common response to tooth decay in milk teeth which is to simply let it rot until it falls out - the logic being: it will be replaced by permanent teeth anyway so why bother with interventions?  In other words: "Hayaan na lang" (just let it be), and Narra's yaya argued further: "wala pang gastos" (and you won't spend a thing).  The dentist was of a different opinion.  Signs of infection were present, on the tooth and on the gums.  The tooth was beyond repair. Extraction was strongly recommended.

Again: an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Better curb infection sooner, than later. We scheduled an appointment. 

Brave Narra, staying still despite the huge injection wielded in front of her.

A week later, we returned to "Bites and Smiles", without Guijo this time, for our appointment with Doc Sandy. He observed Narra's demeanor, and he felt she was capable of going through the procedure without the need for sedation.  He rubbed topical anesthesia first, then wielded this huge injection.  I resisted any urge to flinch and cringe.  I smiled (Ms. Universe style), because I was in Narra's direct line of sight.  I had prepared her by showing episodes of "Finding Nemo" repeatedly. We made fun of the scenes in the dentist's office, when everything was in chaos.  Then we made fun of "Mr. Bean" and the episode when he went to the dentist and was so afraid.  This was my way of approaching the topic of pain, via the route of humor - and Narra has a sense of humor (thank God).  We also played with her "Doctor's Set" and she pretended to inject medicine on me.  Narra behaved impressively.  She was a picture of composure and courage while anesthesia was being administered.  And when it was time to pull the tooth out, she asked to hold my hand. She hesitated, and I talked her through it.  I told her the anesthesia would wear off if we didn't do the extraction soon, and she would feel the pain, so I coached her back to a lying position. Even after 2 trips to the OR for childbirth; and 2 root canals right after; I was not ready for this kind of pain - of watching from the sidelines as a loved one suffered. If only I can go through my daughter's trials for her.

When Doc Sandy exerted some pressure to pull out her teeth, a few tears rolled down her eyes. And she clutched my hand, and after the tooth was pulled out, she asked me to hug and carry her.  "Hindi ako masaya na tinanggal ang ngipin ko, mommy" (I am not happy my tooth was removed, mommy), she told me quietly.  I asked if she was feeling any pain, and she assured me she wasn't in physical pain. She was just sad.  Oh dear. My heart sank.  The people at the dental clinic suggested we get her ice cream, to soothe her mouth and lift her spirits.  But Narra requested to visit her grandparents' house. So we did both. We bought ice cream en route to her Lolo's and Lola's.

Narra with her grandfolks, right after the extraction.

When we got to my parents' house, Narra wasn't her usual talkative self.  She was pretty silent because she couldn't really feel her tongue and lips which were still numb from anesthesia. She was just slowly regaining sensation in her mouth.  My mom, ever wise in her ways, asked her if she wanted to go out on the lawn and backyard to feed the free-roaming rooster, hens, and chicks my parents kept in the premises, and Narra readily agreed.  For the next half hour, she scattered grains and basked in the attention she got from her feathered friends. Through the window, I could hear the chirping of chicks, the cackling of hens, and my daughter's precious chuckles.  The tooth extraction and residual numbness in her mouth were soon forgotten, as Mother Nature and Father Time worked their healing magic.  On our way out, she was already singing and dancing!

Narra, finding comfort in her brother.

Reporting her dental adventures to her papa.

By the time we made it back home, Narra was bouncing with excitement.  She pranced around like a triumphant warrior proudly displaying battle scars.  She ran to Guijo for a hug, directing him to look at the gap where her tooth used to be.  Then, hand-in-hand, brother and sister spilled into our bedroom, and jumped on Oliver.  Narra couldn't wait to show her father the results of her latest dental adventure.  That night, we scoured the internet for dental photos: of tooth decay, milk rot, the sequence of tooth growth... we looked at drawings of permanent teeth lining up above and below milk teeth... we talked things through. Using a dental tool given to us by "Bites and Smiles" (a plastic stick with a small, round, angled mirror at the end), we studied her teeth in the bathroom mirror.  While I was staring at her bruised gum, Narra stared at me intently - she read the expression on my face, and said: "It's ok mama, I will wait for my tooth to grow".   It was something I needed to hear.

Narra asked me to take her picture so she can see her new smile.

"It's ok, mama".    Did she know I was feeling guilty for how I've failed her, and I was hoping for forgiveness?  Did she know I was worried and wanted to know she wasn't in pain and too disappointed?  Did she know I was anxious about the thought of her going to school for the first time in June, without her front tooth - that I fear her classmates may comment on this and affect her self esteem?  I don't know what she saw in my face that prompted her to say "It's ok, mama"... the important thing is, she said it.  And this makes me so proud of her.  We went to the dentist, and she got the opposite of what she wanted.  And she understood it had to be done because it was what was needed.  She isn't even four years old, and she's already teaching me something about hope, faith, and keeping positive after suffering a loss.  This is just the beginning.  I know, as we go through our life together, that we will lose a lot more than just teeth... and I look forward to those times, when she will read the troubles written on my face, and tell me "It's ok, mama", and I will believe her, again and again.


For kid-friendly dental care, check out Bites and Smiles Dental Clinic Makati:
http://www.bitesnsmiles.com/